The Connection 001 – Brave This World

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This month we’ve been visiting family in Cork and Dublin. We built our itinerary around the Taylor Swift Eras Tour that played at the Aviva.

I caught my first hurling match at Croke Park (semi-finals between Cork vs. Limerick), which was a blast.

I also wrote an update on annual goals, how to follow up (and win interviews), 4 job search leavers you need to land a remote job, and I’m ramping up the October cohort of my Land A Remote Job program.

Besides Taylor, hurling, and writing, it’s been non-stop schlepping to playgrounds and day trips. All in a bid to keep the kids happy and entertained.

We’ve found spending time outside is the best cure for this. It only takes 7 episodes of Super Kitties before brain cells melt. Then, tantrums ensue.

The biggest surprise about international travel with the family: it can be relatively easy. Some examples:

• Money. We have bank accounts in Ireland. Even if you don’t, credit cards with no foreign transaction fees and a debit card with no ATM fees make access to money easy (we use Chase Sapphire and Charles Schwab, respectively).

• Getting around. Google Maps handles all our public transport logistics, plus walking, biking, and driving.

• Cell phones. We used to rely on wifi or pay $10/day/phone on roaming charges. Now we can purchase eSIM cards for €20/month.

The hardest part of travel with 3 kids in tow?

Man, our physical footprint is big. In the States, a minivan and 3 car seats transport us from point A to point B. That luxury is rarer here, or expensive. We make do, using public transportation or squeezing into a compact SUV with one kid on a lap. It’s doable, but just.

Amy (half?) jokes about holding me to my wish for 5 kids. That’s how many I said I wanted in ‘15. Which seems unfair. I also wanted to live in a trailer, but you don’t hear me pining for that. Back then, I had not an iota of the care and attention required by a little person.

So the jury is out. Fierce deliberations in the room where it happens. For my part, expanding our footprint with another little person feels like an impossibility. I am tired.

Then in rare glimmers of insanity, I’ll think “sure, what’s one more?”. Because deep down, I know this:

You get used to anything

I’ve talked to many couples who are on the fence about having kids.* Their primary hesitations are:

• Sacrificing their freedom (“I want to do what I want to do”)

• Sacrificing their time (“I have all these goals for myself”)

• Losing their identity (“I don’t want to become just some baby’s mom”)

The truth is, they’re right. All of the above. Your life is never the same. I won’t even say it’s necessarily better. Anyone telling you otherwise is selling you something.

It is, however, necessarily different.

Once you have a kid, your happiness is permanently anchored to theirs, like a buoy thrashing at sea. You’ll spend an unconscionable amount of time at playgrounds you didn’t even realize existed before. You’ll constantly ask yourself, did you pack enough snacks? Forget college — half your paycheck will go towards fresh fruit.

Then, slowly, you adjust. Your life regresses to the mean. It starts small. You go to a restaurant again, baby in tow. Then, a party. When you survive that, it’s a weekend away, then a full week. You put them on a plane and visit places written on your pre-kids bucket list. You visit Rome. Croatia. You decide to move them across the world. Twice.

Yes, it’s a different. One far removed from your world previous.

Your responsibility is to brave this world.

Bravery is how you unlock the joy in it.

*Note: These are personal observations. I’m not trying to persuade one way or another.

⭐ Recommendations: Slow Productivity, Red Lobster, Summer House, Compression Bags

1/ Read: Slow Productivity by Cal Newport.

Confession: every time Cal Newport comes out with a new book, my first thought is: “Another one? What else could he say about digital minimalism or cutting back on email?”

Then I read it anyway. Inevitably, I have dozens of hand-scrawled notes I want to apply to my life.

As my friend Ryan Johnson added:

Excerpts from my notes:

• Work at a natural pace. You can do this by doubling your timeline. Or cutting your goals in half. Or both.

• A successful life is a full life. Your career is a tiny part. The bones of a full life include your health, family, and quality leisure activities.

• Obsess over quality. Hard wood grows slow. It’s a razor’s edge with procrastination, so you have to keep shipping. But quality requires time.

2/ Read: How a Global Seafood Giant Broke Red Lobster

The story behind Red Lobster’s bankruptcy filing is fascinating.

I only went to a Red Lobster once in my life. Growing up, it felt like the pinnacle of suburban dining, reserved for occasions like Mother’s Day, or not at all. So the latter it was. We settled for Olive Garden or TGI Friday’s.

So what happened? Red Lobster went bankrupt after a series of bad decisions by its new owners, Thai Union. They cut relationships with other suppliers and only bought from Thai Union. They also started charging extra for salads and cutting down on staff. These choices, plus a revolving door of executives and expensive lease payments, led to bankruptcy.

Bonus: The prescient Last Night At The Lobster by Stewart O’Nan. A story about the closing of a local Red Lobster.

3/ Listen: Summer House by Gold Motel 

I’ve been deep-diving on current and former artists on the Fueled by Ramen and Decaydance Records (now DCD2) labels. I loved the sound of The Hush Sound, and discovered one of the lead vocals, Greta Morgan, later formed a new band called Gold Motel.

Summer House is a great one for, well, the summer.

4/ Buy: Bagsmart compression packing cubes

These packing cubes have been a game-changer this summer. We bought 2 sets. Strong recommend.

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