“It’s all about who you know.”
Not that truth isn’t buried in this concept, but it’s disheartening to hear the divide between success and failure glossed over with a cliché and wave of a snooty hand. Is “who you know” really what it comes down to? Are talent and ambition just the side ponies accompanying the stallion into the ring? Of course not; then why, when we hear this expression, do we obediently bob our heads in agreement, already prepared to suck from the teat of complacency?
There’s an etiquette to using contacts, but accepting the notion above transforms them; from connectors to commodities, and suddenly the game changes: building a network of connections so everyone can accomplish a common goal degenerates to collecting and hoarding commodities for one’s own advancement.
Advancement – social, political, or otherwise, is easier if you’ve developed a network around it. But if you’ve structured this network to feedback solely to you, then you’ve sort of missed the point of it all. The network exists so you can create connections where before there were none, not to put yourself at the center of its universe.
These thoughts all come to a head as my six-week contract comes to a close, and the real hustling begins. Already the fear rumbles. Already, despite my weeks of preparations, my months of planning, years of driving myself outside my comfort zone, and every moral fiber in my body telling me not to, I’m tempted to take the easy route. I’m tempted to turn to a list of contacts, and “dial for dollars,” so to speak. The temptation is so great, to spam everyone and anyone for a lead, an interview, an internship, a job. So many people are doing it, after all. Besides, it’s like the saying goes: “It’s all about who you know.”
Except… (and call this old-fashioned, or idealistic, or naïve…)
Except successful people want to do their own leg work.
Here’s another way of looking at it: You’re new. New to the neighborhood, the area, the city, your industry. There are nuances to learn, and the fastest way is through your own sweat and failure. That means you’re on the street hunting for your own apartment, finding your own work, and dropping off resumes at every store with an OPEN sign hung from its window or blinking fluorescently at you in blue neon.
It requires character to do the leg work. If you show up and start asking for help on Day One, you might save yourself a few headaches and heartbreak.
But that’s where the lessons come from.
Also…
Zig Ziglar said, “You can have everything you want in life, if you’ll just help enough people get what they want.” People who do their own work and help others with a no-score mentality garner a certain respect in this world. It makes people stand up and notice. They see you got the hustle and the desire, and that’s a formula for success.
Everybody wants to be part of a success story.
Doors will open. Success will come. It’s a more difficult path, and it takes longer, but there’s longevity to success when it’s achieved in that manner.
There’s nothing wrong with making and using connections, or occasionally seeking help. It’s when priorities shift, however, and asking for help becomes the first and only resort (instead of the last) that what you consider “networking” is in reality, “taking advantage.”
What’s a practical solution to avoid this not-so-fine line? Commit to making three connections for others before seeking out a connection of your own. Help people who are in no position to help you in return. Maybe they live in a different country. Maybe they’re in a position far beneath you in your industry. Maybe they’re in a completely different industry. Write their names and the connections you helped them make on a white board in one column, and when you’ve tallied three names, write down one name of someone you’ve wanted to ask for a lead. Then execute with an open heart and mind, because you’ve earned that privilege.
The commitment to hustle and the commitment to give back three-fold to the world what you take from it, is far more valuable than a rolodex full of “who you know’s.”
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Photo Credit: Daiana Lorenz
