I recently learned of a condition called “Paris Syndrome.”

The shock of coming to grips with a city, [Paris] that is indifferent to their presence and looks nothing like their imagination [that] launches tourists into a psychological tailspin.[note]Paris Syndrome: A First-Class Problem for a First-Class Vacation by Chelsea Fagan | https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2011/10/paris-syndrome-a-first-class-problem-for-a-first-class-vacation/246743/[/note]

According to Wikipedia, common symptoms are “characterized by a number of psychiatric symptoms such as acute delusional states, hallucinations, feelings of persecution (perceptions of being a victim of prejudice, aggression, or hostility from others), derealization, depersonalization, anxiety, and also psychosomatic manifestations such as dizziness, tachycardia, sweating, and others, such as vomiting.”

In short: It’s a physical reaction to building up the idea of something (in this case, Paris) only to be let down by the reality of it.

Paris Syndrome is a specific example of the danger of setting wild expectations.

Yet we do it all the time. We can’t help ourselves.

We do it in our careers

We think landing our dream job will suddenly fill our days with purpose and give every minute meaning.

That if you just get that position with that influencer, at that startup, with that agency, you’ll float through your work day on clouds of joy.

In reality, it’s still work, and in all work, there’s a grind.

So unless you love the grind itself, you’ll start to covet your next dream job.

It happens when we travel

Wild expectations are set at the beginning of every summer, when young men and women set off on extended travel to “find themselves.”

It’s not that travel itself is superfluous or unimportant. Just the opposite. Travel expands the worldview. It can build confidence. Most importantly, it’s fun.

But the idea of travel gets elevated, as if backpacking through South America or completing the Appalachian trail will magically fill some void, à la Eat Pray Love.

Travel is great for the joy of travel, for the chance to meet new people and see other parts of the world. But (spoiler alert) it’s rarely some antidote to something that’s broken inside of us.

Finally, it happens in relationships

We put potential partners on this pedestal, contouring their imperfections like a Michelle Phan YouTube video.

“I know you think she was the one, but I don’t. Now, I think you’re just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back, I really think you should look again.”
– Chloe Grace Moretz in 500 Days of Summer

She is our manic pixie dream girl.

He is a guy you met at the gym with Brad Pitt’s face and Jesus’ abs.

Except when the manic outweighs the dream, or we realize Jesus comes off as an insufferable bore at dinner parties (he’s all “love thy neighbor this” and “turn your cheek” that) the veneer starts to fade.

We start to think: “If it was love it’d be easy.”

So we start looking again. We look for a new, exciting spark, like the one we used to have with this partner, but… sparklier.

In doing so, we never develop the ability to love someone for their flaws. You know, for their “curves and edges… perfect imperfections” (h/t John Legend).

Or from a source that didn’t spend a bajillion weeks on Billboard Hot 100:

“Anyone can love a thing because. That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.” – Patrick Rothfuss [note]The Wise Man’s Fear by Patrick Rothfuss – http://a.co/j4Irjip[/note]

“There is no elsewhere”

In Phillip Pullman’s Amber Spyglass, Will Parry says:

“There isn’t any ‘elsewhere.’ We have to build the Republic of Heaven where we are.”[note]Amber Spyglass by Phillip Pullman | pg. 437 – http://a.co/fwN20md[/note]

There is no future circumstance that magically alters our life for the future. Elevating a city, job, or person creates an illusion that somewhere, elsewhere, our lives can be better.

The truth is there is no elsewhere.

All those things we seek — beauty, wisdom, love — we have to find where we are.

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Photo Credit: Gary Campbell-Hall, Hiroyuki Takeda