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Chris Ming

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I Get Anxiety Over This Type of E-mail

There’s one type of email that I loathe above all others.

Can you guess what it is?

I bet it’s not what you’re thinking.

I hate ’em. Seriously, I’d rather read hate mail. I’d rather read Tea Party literature hand-curated by Ted Cruz, or ad-copy from AT&T explaining how bundling my cable, phone and Internet could save me $300.

The interesting part?

About 75% of the time, what’s inside these emails…

Is glowing. Overwhelming positive. Even raving. 

Yet the anxiety still seizes me like talons around testicles the moment I see the number (1) in the sub-category I keep for these emails, like a raised middle-finger, reminding me it isn’t going anywhere until I click.

Do you experience this kind of anxiety around your e-mail inbox?

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relationships

Trade Up Problems

Below is the transcription of the best three-minute segment of an interview I’ve heard in a long time. And I listen to a lot of interviews.

[01:37:53] It’s not like you read one book and do one thing, and it’s figured out, and you’re done. it’s a constant course correction. You need to have those rituals to go back to.

[01:38:29] People don’t get it. It’s messy. Life is messy.

[01:38:45] It’s messy. Life is always going to be messy. It’s in figuring out how to manage that mess, and planning, “what am I going to do with this?”

[01:39:30] Life is suffering. If you expect to your life to miraculously dissolve all your problems with a new car, a new wife, a new husband, a new “fill in the blank” you are mistaken. When you conquer your current set of problems, you trade up. You just get a new set of problems, and those challenges are set out by the universe, by whatever force you believe in, to challenge you.

[01:40:37] It’s like, okay, you think Brad Pitt has a perfect life? I tell you, he has crazy stalkers, he has frivolous law suits, he has, “fill in the blank.” You trade up. You just have a different set of problems. The reason I bring it up is not to be depressing at all, it’s to underscore the importance of expecting adversity in a sense of looking forward to adversities as a growth opportunity. If you want to be a higher performer in high stress environments, you need to get to the point where you relish the opportunity to prove yourself in the face of challenges.

This was from a webcast between Ramit Sethi and Tim Ferriss in November 2012, right before the launch of The Four-Hour Chef. I don’t remember where I found the link to the audio, unfortunately.

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career

What Makes Me Valuable

To others?

If I did this task better, how will it affect my career five years from now?

How will it make me more valuable five years from now?

I think it’s important to step back and ask ourselves that on occasion.

  1. If I schedule all these lunches today, will it make more valuable to others?
  2. If I send out all these rejection letters?
  3. If I mail out all these check letters?
  4. If I connect every call that comes through?
  5. If I indiscriminately do drinks five nights a week?
  6. If I book this travel?
  7. If I move widget A into the arms of mechanical turk B?

If you’re asked to do these things, you can’t not do them, of course.

The widgets still need to move. It’s one of the reasons why you were hired.

But it’s not the only reason, right?

Recognize the difference between creating value and pushing (electronic) paper.

Which one builds a skill?

Which one makes you more valuable to others?

Then, prioritize accordingly. By what creates value…

Not what comes easier. Nor by what you do more effectively.

Photo Credit: Liam Matthews

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career

Multiply Strengths vs. Improve Weaknesses

The school of thought goes like this:

“Focus on your strengths to see exponential growth. At best, improving your weaknesses leads to marginal growth.”

The idea’s touted all over the internet. Here’s one or two places. Check your Google for others.

In theory this sounds fine.

By sticking to your strengths, you’ll “produce” (in the broadest definition of the word) more for the world, at a higher quality, with greater satisfaction.

Versus struggling through tasks which require a disposition you don’t have, or skill sets you haven’t acquired.

For example, in all likelihood I will never become a terrific programmer or designer. I’ve tried. I struggle through tiny modules of CSS and continue flailing when I have to conjure what words like “float: right” or “padding: 3 em” do to the Internets.

So if I have to bring skill sets to the table, I’d rather leave these in the car.

My problem with the “multiply strengths versus improve weaknesses” argument…

Is how easy it is to confuse:

“That’s not one of my strengths”

with…

“That’s really hard.”

In this hyper-connected world that’s both uber-competitive and saturated with distractions, it’s easy to let ourselves off the hook the second we run into a barrier. This stymies our development: professionally, emotionally, inter-personally.

And if we constantly let ourselves off the hook when things get difficult, how will we produce anything worthwhile?

Take my own example above: is it that I’m not a good programmer or designer by natural disposition? Or is it just hard… and it’s a skill that requires work?

Which brings to mind a lyric from a song in today’s modern-pop lexicon, Ten Thousand Hours by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis:

The greats weren’t great because at birth they could paint/
The greats were great cause they paint a lot.

I’m not saying that school of thought is entirely wrong.

I’m saying, there’s a balance: yes, find the opportunities to multiply your strengths.

But don’t use “weakness” as a crutch to avoid “difficult.”

Photo Credit: Hayley-Jean Lochner

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career

First Impressions Stick

It’s human nature, I think, to believe your first impression. The one made the second someone walks through your door, and puts their hand into yours.

Humans are predisposed to look for evidence that corroborates what we already believe, not find reasons why we may be wrong.

So if you come into your first Hollywood production company as a intern, big-eyed and cash-money green, that’s how people will see you. For a long time.

If you come into a studio as an assistant, they may never see you as executive material.

Not that it doesn’t happen — of course it does — especially if the company has a system in place for grooming talent.

Then you have the opportunity to outgrow your role…

IF, in that first moment, you showed your employer you have the potential to do it.

Again, first impressions…

But what if they don’t?

And you haven’t shaken their first impression?

If that’s what you’re working up against, what’s the best methodology to progress in your career?

The fastest path is no longer the straightest.

Instead of trying to beat through glass ceilings…

Move sideways and try a different ladder — bringing your experience and ideas gleaned from the other organization,to create new ones that make you more valuable, more indispensable.

Then, bring those ideas elsewhere. Or back the way you came, if you choose.

That’s how to develop a career.

Constantly learning new things.

Never resting on anyone else’s ladder.

Photo Credit: Se_New

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If You’re Looking for Permission You’ve Come to the Wrong Place

One of my favorite interviews of all time (and thanks to the handcrafted Aux Hook-up in my car, I listen to many) is Bryan Elliot’s interview of Seth Godin, for the Icarus Deception.

In the interview, Seth says — and I’m going to paraphrase here:

“The excuse that, ‘My boss doesn’t give me permission’ is a bad one. Why should he? You’re not asking for permission, what you’re saying is, ‘Can I go do this thing, and if it works, I’m going to take all the credit, and if it doesn’t, you’ll take all the blame.’ Who would agree to that?”

At the theory level, the logic is simple. But when it’s time for application, the “logic” contends with “emotion”: pride, ego, embarrassment, anger… all of which overwhelm logic in half-a-second.

Let me tell you a story of when this overwhelm happened to me…

While working for a literary management company, I met with a young man who was doing interesting work in the music space, bringing more of a performance art component to EDM, with custom built hardware and software.

He was brilliant and motivated. At the moment, there wasn’t an immediate business opportunity for either of us. I didn’t expect that, though. The meeting was about getting on each other’s radar, should an opportunity present itself.

I took the story of the meeting into a staff meeting — not as a hard sell, but a soft pitch.

Sorta a “hey, met this guy who’s doing really interesting work in this space…”

My boss at the time thought very little of the idea:

  • “That’s pie in the sky shit.”
  • “You’re wasting your time.”
  • “This is what you should be spending your time on…” citing examples of tactics he used… 20 years ago.

I can’t say I wasn’t embarrassed. And angry.

He called me out in a staff meeting… in front of everyone.

As far as I could tell, the extent of my indiscretion was meeting someone — on my own time — that may pan out to nothing (as these things often do).

My immediate gut (read: emotional) response was: “fine, he doesn’t want to ever hear any new ideas, then I will never bring in any. We’ll keep using tactics that worked in the 80s and early 90s.

Don’t Ask Permission. And Don’t Do This, Either…

Later (when I cooled off) I remembered Seth’s words: Don’t ask for permission to do interesting work.

To which I’d like to add the corollary:

Don’t seek validation, either. Seeking validation means you’re not sure if you’re working on the right problem. Without the right problem, what good is any solution you propose?

Do the work. Solve the problem. Then show them the results.

Yes, this is tricky. If you screw up, then it’s on you… which is the whole point, isn’t it?

To which I can only offer:

  • Build confidence in your choices.
  • Confidence comes with experience.
  • Fail quickly, not fatally.

Also, build reversibility into any solution you present:

  • A fleshed out story  bible — that can always be rewritten.
  • A completed website redesign — installed locally, not live on the site.
  • A new marketing strategy — that can implemented in stages.

Why Are You Here, Again?

No, no organization is going to tell you to do these things.

Why would they give you deniability?

You’re responsible for picking and choosing your own risks.

But with that said…

If you’re with a company that actively tells you: “don’t try new things, don’t take risks, toe the line, do what worked before…”

What are you still doing there?

Photo Credit: JD’na

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This Is What I Accomplished with All The Time in the World

For an extended stretch of time two years ago,  I had A LOT of time to write.

It’s called “unemployed.”

I had finished a Production Coordinator job. I wasn’t great at being a Production Coordinator — you in fact, need to know things about Production in order to Coordinate — which I did not.

Nor did I possess a passion for physical production.

So no surprise THERE when I wasn’t asked to join the next project.

(The indignation of some interns and temps, when they’re not asked to stay on for full employment, baffles me. If they didn’t try to keep you on, or help secure your next gig — ask yourself: “Was I any good?”)

To make money, I took a gig to independently cast a vanity reel — which required hunching over the 10-inch display on my Acer netbook and using Actor’s Access for 6 hours a day.

That paid $300. So at least I covered my rent for the month (yeah, I was living light).

Afterwards, I interned at a Youtube channel network, where I filled the hours by watching Pokemon battles and MineCraft.

That lasted three days, when I realized that I was happier waiting tables. I’d rather bring over plates of Pad See Ew and refills of Diet Cokes with lemons for a 12% tip than watch another Pokemon Platinum video of a Noctowl using “Tackle” against a Vulcan.

That’s what I did. I quit the internship, and went down the street and got my old job back.

All the while, I took most of the morning to write scripts and blog posts. Much of that writing didn’t go anywhere, but I was putting in my time.

The depression I had settled into (hours on the Planet Poke Channel, then regressing back to asking people if they’d like their curry “mild” or “spicy”) made for some really uninspiring stuff.

This may not be true for other creatives. Some bask in that angst to fuel their creativity sensibilities.

That’s just not me.

For me… Happiness good.

Sue me.

That was two years ago. I’m in a better place now, so my writing temperament is good. (Some claim they bleed on the page every time they write. I prefer ink.)

But now there’s a lack of time.

I’m committed to different relationships (one requiring a standard of living above$300 a month, and meals consisting of more than pasta-bought-in-bulk 5-days a week).

I’ve committed to a few too many projects.

So I still hold the mornings for my creative time — starting at 5:30 a.m. on the weekdays, 8 on the weekends — but it definitely bumps heads with other commitments.

That’s the eternal battle, isn’t it? Good versus evil? The Force versus The Dark Side? Ash Ketchum vs. Gary?

I think whatever side you happen to be on at your particular juncture, the process looks the same.

If you have all the time in the world.

Or you’re struggling to squeeze off an hour of production.

Make the decision that developing your platform is important.

Find a routine. Stick to it – don’t move it for anyone.

Pick your work for the day — bird by bird, as the Lamott-expression goes.

And keep in mind building takes time. 

Photo Credit: Klaus De Buysser

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The ONE Thing My Friend Taught Me… That Changed My Career, Relationships, and Happiness

I keep a mental list of things I’m awful at:

Cooking

Making the bed

Writing long lists

Only one thing really held me back, in my career, personal life, and relationships, though.

In college, when I saw how my friend used this one strategy, it was like a strong punch of sobriety after a night of too many cheap vodka shots.

It’s effect in this year alone: I earned more money (almost a $10,000 yearly increase), created my first Hollywood tracking board, and developed a more valuable network of colleagues.

I’ll get to all that. First, though – back to the awful:

One Thing That Held Back My Career, Personal Life and Relationships

I was always awful at asking people for help or advice.

I thought everything was up to me to “figure it out.”

And that asking for help was a sign of weakness.

Plus, I had this screwed up interpretation when others asked for help. I always translated their words, “Can you help me with this?” into “Can you do this for me?” Which wasn’t fair to anyone.

There were so many arenas in which I should have asked for help, but never did:

Soccer – I never learned to strike properly, or attack with confidence. And I never asked for help.

Digital electronics – (Yeah, I was engineering geek in high school…) Rather than damage why reputation as a smart dude by asking for help, I focused on scoring well on exams over grasping the fundamentals (voltage, current, and resistance) that I never understood.

Editing – This was a recent development, in which I learned more, in editing for 4 hours sitting next to a relative expert, than 14 hours editing alone in a dark room.

What was the Game Changer?

Enter: my friend Joshua, who showed me it was okay to ask for help.

He’d struggle through a problem, and if he hit a block, he’d ask for guidance – from a bunch of people.

This idea blew me away: here I was refusing to ask one expert for help, and Josh would ask like 5 people!

It didn’t matter if it was help with editing a paper, navigating a juncture in his career, or relationships.

He always sought the big picture. And he knew how to do it openly and honestly. He’d say, “I’m asking a bunch of people for help. I really respect your opinion, what do you think about this situation…?”

What I noticed was this:

When he put it that way, when I saw that he worked to solve the problem himself first, my “barrier” about asking for help didn’t come crashing down.

I was more than happy to help. It made me feel good. It was a win-win.

Then, Josh would take action (note: not always following my advice. Probably for the better — but that’s not the point). He did something. And I liked being a part of his action, even if indirectly.

That’s when it clicked for me. 

It was a small, but significant tweak.

This was the game changer:

We like to help people when they acknowledge the help, and take action.

Even when it’s not their advice you’re acting on.

It seems so simple but this idea blew me away.

There are so many things in the past year alone, that I couldn’t have done without asking for help.

A Few of My Game Changers – And My Exact Words

Negotiating salary – I armed myself for two successful salary negotiations by asking my colleagues a simple question and a follow-up: “How much do you make? I’m asking people so I understand the market rate.”

Creating a Hollywood tracking board in my niche – Learning literary contracts and deal points in a vacuum is difficult, but my grasp of concepts more than doubled after I selected a few people in similar roles and asked: “Would you be interested in sitting down once a month  and studying these deal points together?”

Networking – If I felt like I provided value, and genuinely connected with someone at drinks or an event, I’d ask: “Is there anyone else you think it’d be helpful that I talk to?”

Asking For Help is An Art and Science

Meaning, these exact words alone may not produce the same results. There’s a lot going on beneath the surface, months and years of providing value to others first.

You can’t be wearing a sign across your back, “Please Help Me!”

I still don’t ask for help enough. The difference, however is: I’m not limited by the ask.

Instead, I’m limited two things:

The time I know it takes to give back and provide value in return, and… 

The scalability of my own system that prods me to give, give, give to others, first.

Asking for help, in conjunction with these two points, has been a game changer for my career and life.

What’s been your game changer? What systems or outlooks have you implemented that helped you make leaps you didn’t think possible?

Photo Credit: Donnovann

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